IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
