i need an iv and a liver transplant
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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