The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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