im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
