You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
