Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
