this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
