my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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