my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
