i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
