somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
