just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
