I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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