U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
