Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
