Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
