I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
