I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
