I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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