I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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