I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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