Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
