I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Randomize
