I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
