My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there's paper in my vomit.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
ttyl tear gas
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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