You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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