Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
