hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
