Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
