You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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