Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
