And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
