News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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