if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
