his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
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