Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
