i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
