My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
