I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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