I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The uberlube is also flammable
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
