dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
