oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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