so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
