my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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