ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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