I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
