And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
