A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
