Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
