Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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