So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
