You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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