I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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