My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Are my feet made of real feet?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
